Feeling Fat, Frazzled and Fugly? Welcome to the world of Hypothyroidism...

I feel sad that my blogging has deteriorated to once a day, to a once a week endeavor. And I think I know why... I haven't lost any weight...

That being said, I do not in the least blame NS. I have cheated fairly regularly in the past few weeks, and once I hit the big minus 12, I got comfortable. This is a VERY familiar trait I have... its called weakness.

So I will begin blogging more in an effort to own up to my realities, whether good or bad... or neutral.

I have really enjoyed getting back intot he swing of eating right, my stomach has shrunk, and I am making the right decisions (for the most part). But I have been eating out more then I should. Its sad that eating out has become America's 20 something social activity du jour. If I choose not to eat out, I miss out on almost all social activites within my group of friends. if I skip dinner, I then end up at an after dinner drink spot drinking on an empty stomach. Ask Paul which scenario he prefers. (I have been gaining a reputation of "light weight" with a walking problem) no bueno.

To add excuses to insult, I went in for my physical, in which the doc asked if I'd like an AIDS test. As I pretended not to visualize my AIDS spreading tree in my head (if Jimmy sleeps with Connie who slept with Steven and HArry blah blah blah we all have AIDS...) I didn't even think to worry abou thte other test results that might come up... mistake.

I recieved a very poisitve (as in happy) voice mail from the nurse at my doctor's office, Hi ELyse! All your results came out great! You are healthy, your vitamins are at level, your cholesterol, your thi your that... I'm thinking, as I bite my nails in irritation, girl what about the AIDS TEST!?!?! And finally "oh yeah, and you're AIDS test came back negative too." As I giddily erase my message of positivity (as in good and happy) I realizze she didn't mention the most important test of all. My thyroid. You see I suffer from a post-menopause auto immune disorder called hypothyroidism. Yes I said post-menopause, and no I have not gone through menopause early. I randomly ( I thought) was diagnosed with this at the tender age of 20, my younger sis was diagnosed a year later, my best friend was just diagnosed at 26, and even my dog was diagnosed with it!!! All Burbank people (I'm seriously thinking about pulling an Erin Brockovish on the town's ass) ANYWAYS... I should check my levels once every 3 months. It had been 6, so I was already late. I called the nurse back, and as she scrolled though the results she quickly said they would call me back. A minute later the doctor was on the other line telling me not to panic but my results had come back bad, very bad. He immediately wanted to up my meds and was sounding worried in an "I'm not worried, I'm a doctor" voice.

I am now on my upped meds, feeling fat (which is a symptom of Hypothyroidism) and tired, and almost fainted on my way to work yesterday. The gods have more then a sense of humor when it comes to me...

Motivated Mon... ok Tuesday.

As of Saturday morning I am down 12 lbs!! This is amazing, as I have heart feltedly admitted to cheating several times in the past week or so. i just have to watch my little deceiving brain, which will tell me (you cheated and still lost so you can cheat again!!)...

But then my rational brain reminds me that not only Thanksgiving, but also xmas are right around the corner, therefore I need to be as good as I can be, so cheating on those glutonous holidays won't be the END of my road to flat stomachs and tight (in a good way) jeans.

I am seriously into this weight loss thing though! Happy to feel a bit slimmer, and completely motivated to stay on track. Its funny because my "cheating" now is having a 100 calorie hot cocoa, vs. my "cheating" before was having and appetizer, full meal and then a desert. WOW I was bad, happy to be coming into the light.

My new month of NS food starts next week and I cannot wait! Its so cool to have that second month to order what you will be happy to eat everyday! There were some meals this past 3 weeks which made me want to vomit, now that I've chosen what I know I'll like I won't want to stray from the course!

PS - Do not experiment with authentic japanese sushi while your stomach is used to space food from NS. Result... Bombs over Baghdad!

Pete and Repeat Start a Diet, Pete falls off. Who's left?

Wow, who knew cheating would effect me so much? I have been amazingly good staying on my diet, eating what I should and happily doing these things, but once I cheated this past weekend, I feel like 3/4 of my progress has evaporated. Yes, I may still be down the same amount of weight (not positive about that) and yes, I may be fitting SLIGHTLY better in my clothes, but those damn craving are back with a vengance.

In the morning, I have my breakfast cereal, and dream of an egg sandwich... lunch, a huge salad with dry tuna, delicious, but eat the wheat roll unassumingly provided by the restaurant I ordered from. Now I have plans for dinner with friends, and know what I should eat, and am also aware of what I want to eat. Two sides of the spectrum (believe me).

But I just checked their menu online, looks like great Thai food, my friend Christina swears by it, and there is a steamed veggie platter just calling my name. Hmph!

What do I really want? The cocnut milk soup and chicken satay dish... no bueno.

I have accepted this offer of double date night, because I refuse to become a hermit just because I am watching my weight. I refuse to make this change in my life something I loathe. Because believe me, I have been there and done that, and somehow I am larger then I have ever been. So those other hermit enducing, cabbage soup, grapefruit and black coffee diets are obviously not the trick.

I know what the trick is. Its just a matter of practicing what we learn. I have struggled with my weight in a family of excersize physiologist, marathon runners my entire life. Believe me when I say, I know what to do. Its almost this iinternal rebellion I have always struggled with, sometimes consciously, sometimes subconsciously. Either way it has ended up negatively.

No I am in love with the man of my dreams, and guess what? His major was excersize physiology... Do I run for the hills? No, I just need to start running the hills.

Worth it??

Alright, alright. So I've been avoiding blogging.. why? Because this weekend was a cheating weekend, and worth it? Well maybe ;)

My fam came in from outta town, and although I ate amazingly Friday and Saturday (eating out almost the entire time) I was sticking to the small portions low calorie life style. The we went out Saturday night for some boozing and dancing... fun fun fun! Aaaannnnnd wasted.

I did not cheat even in my wasted oblivion, however on Sunday as I woke to a dry vodka smelling mouth and mascara across my face, I realized I was straved. I went straight for my NS breakfast box and had some yummy and almost too mapley oatmeal.

off to the city we went to meet family for a late lunch... as we travel into town, I'm feelin good! A bit tired but ok... then it hits me! Low blood sugar, the shakes, dehydration and hot flashes... Oh sh*t.

We get to the restaurant of choice, and I order a very responsible nicoise salad, however i did not ask that the cheese and dressing be on the side... As my nephews gooey drippy flatbread pizza arrives, the waiter apologizes for the salads taking so long. I break. JUST GIVE ME SOME BREAD!

He brings a basket, and of course it isn't gross dry french rolls... nooo it oily moist foccacia... about 6 pieces. I think I ate 5.

Ughhhhhhh as I down my salad I feel disappointed, and still exhausted. We head out to the Natural Hstory Museum, and I drag my feet the whole time.

Next is dinner. Sring Street Natural Restaurant. Which has always been a favorite of mine, organic food, but still flavorful and yummy. As I pretend to forget organic does not mean low calorie, I order my favorite dish, the free-range chicken taco salad.

I almost cleaned the plate... and now... two days later, i am owning up to my cheating ways, and although a bit dizzy (feels like day 1) I am back on track...

Weigh in will not be fun on Thursday...

Love thyself

I have been sticking to my oath. Went to the gym Tuesday and Wednesday night, and although I felt like I had elephantitis of the feet by the time I had to climb the last staircase home, I am proud to be in the place I am.

I forgot how greatly positivity can effect your day to day life. I'm not saying it will bring you wealth in 10 days if you email 73 people something you like about them in the next 5 minutes. I'm saying the small stuff. When you look in the mirror, instead of looking at what you don't like, look at what you do like. Don't make it a point to stick your gut out and curl your chin down to see how many rolls you can make... no. Look at the stuff you would never change. For me its the line of my jaw, the shape of my eyes, my natural hair, and my tits in a tight tee. (no lie I do appreciate my own huge knockers)

I have so many close friends who can't seem to get past the stuff they DON'T like. If you live in a world of regret, unhappiness or disgust, your world will be just that. I choose to live a life free of negativity. And believe me, I'm not saying I'm Mother Teresa, my boyfried can vouche, I am the spawn of Lucifer himself on a bad day, but I truly feel like I have learned to train myself. I know myself. I know what works and what doesn't. If someone doesn't take the time to get to know themselves, pros and cons, likes and dislikes, attributes and faults, then they can never manage themselves alone. And until you discover yourself, how can you think to try to discover someone else?

Yeah this blog isn't about my weight today. The subject can get a bit dull. Instead today I challenge myself to be positive, if something is irritation, if I feel I'm becoming impatient, if I want to put my stiletto into the eyesocket of my co-worker; I will stop take a breather and remember all the awesomness of my lfe. My job, my friends, my fam, my man, my happiness. I will make a difference, because I am willing to believe... http://www.emotoproject.org/english/home.html

Do not minimize your impact on this earth!

Sooo energized this morning!! I cannot believe the leaps and bounds our country as a whole has come to vote Barack Obama into office. I am motivated to do my part in making the USA all it was and will become!!

As my first step in the right direction, I am staying active, and losing my excess weight, for my fellow Americans. This way I will not be aiding in the terrible statistics of "over-weight America", and will instead lead as an example of someone who doesn't have it easy, but refuses to give up!

I may look more like Monica Lewinsky then Sara Palin right now, but I promise you this, I will not disappoint. I have had some revelations in the past few days, and I'll be damned if I don't continue to work on myself everyday, to be an individual inside and out who is always working to be the best they can be!

America, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. can rest, his dream has finally been realized...

I am just a mere smudge on the map of this extraordinary globe, and the minute I stop working towards improvement, discipline, health and honesty, is the day I have given up on my place in this world.

The incredible shrinking stomach!!

I woke up on the right side today :) I weighed myself, and I am starting to plateau just a bit. So back to the gym I go tomorrow. I went on a 2 hour walk on Sunday, which was really nice, but I feel like I need to go do some weight training, because I want to look toned when I lose all my weight.

Today is an amazing day on many levels, way beyond my personal struggle for weight loss, today determines who will be the President of the US for the next 4 years. This day has always made me motivated and amped... so I'm spreading the energy wherever I go.

I had a late breakfast of eggs with cheese and just finished a delicious salad which has made me completely stuffed. I still have a banana and the rice and beans from NS, but I'll save those for later, as I can't think about eating anything else at this point.

Its really cool to become physically aware of the changes in my body! Yesterday the satisfaction of a veggie craving, today the satisfaction of the so full I have to stop eating feeling (after a small salad)... oh and also the satisfaction of walking down Madison Avenue and getting gawked at by a lot of men! Only 8 lbs down, but feel like a sexy beast...