Feeling Fat, Frazzled and Fugly? Welcome to the world of Hypothyroidism...

I feel sad that my blogging has deteriorated to once a day, to a once a week endeavor. And I think I know why... I haven't lost any weight...

That being said, I do not in the least blame NS. I have cheated fairly regularly in the past few weeks, and once I hit the big minus 12, I got comfortable. This is a VERY familiar trait I have... its called weakness.

So I will begin blogging more in an effort to own up to my realities, whether good or bad... or neutral.

I have really enjoyed getting back intot he swing of eating right, my stomach has shrunk, and I am making the right decisions (for the most part). But I have been eating out more then I should. Its sad that eating out has become America's 20 something social activity du jour. If I choose not to eat out, I miss out on almost all social activites within my group of friends. if I skip dinner, I then end up at an after dinner drink spot drinking on an empty stomach. Ask Paul which scenario he prefers. (I have been gaining a reputation of "light weight" with a walking problem) no bueno.

To add excuses to insult, I went in for my physical, in which the doc asked if I'd like an AIDS test. As I pretended not to visualize my AIDS spreading tree in my head (if Jimmy sleeps with Connie who slept with Steven and HArry blah blah blah we all have AIDS...) I didn't even think to worry abou thte other test results that might come up... mistake.

I recieved a very poisitve (as in happy) voice mail from the nurse at my doctor's office, Hi ELyse! All your results came out great! You are healthy, your vitamins are at level, your cholesterol, your thi your that... I'm thinking, as I bite my nails in irritation, girl what about the AIDS TEST!?!?! And finally "oh yeah, and you're AIDS test came back negative too." As I giddily erase my message of positivity (as in good and happy) I realizze she didn't mention the most important test of all. My thyroid. You see I suffer from a post-menopause auto immune disorder called hypothyroidism. Yes I said post-menopause, and no I have not gone through menopause early. I randomly ( I thought) was diagnosed with this at the tender age of 20, my younger sis was diagnosed a year later, my best friend was just diagnosed at 26, and even my dog was diagnosed with it!!! All Burbank people (I'm seriously thinking about pulling an Erin Brockovish on the town's ass) ANYWAYS... I should check my levels once every 3 months. It had been 6, so I was already late. I called the nurse back, and as she scrolled though the results she quickly said they would call me back. A minute later the doctor was on the other line telling me not to panic but my results had come back bad, very bad. He immediately wanted to up my meds and was sounding worried in an "I'm not worried, I'm a doctor" voice.

I am now on my upped meds, feeling fat (which is a symptom of Hypothyroidism) and tired, and almost fainted on my way to work yesterday. The gods have more then a sense of humor when it comes to me...

Motivated Mon... ok Tuesday.

As of Saturday morning I am down 12 lbs!! This is amazing, as I have heart feltedly admitted to cheating several times in the past week or so. i just have to watch my little deceiving brain, which will tell me (you cheated and still lost so you can cheat again!!)...

But then my rational brain reminds me that not only Thanksgiving, but also xmas are right around the corner, therefore I need to be as good as I can be, so cheating on those glutonous holidays won't be the END of my road to flat stomachs and tight (in a good way) jeans.

I am seriously into this weight loss thing though! Happy to feel a bit slimmer, and completely motivated to stay on track. Its funny because my "cheating" now is having a 100 calorie hot cocoa, vs. my "cheating" before was having and appetizer, full meal and then a desert. WOW I was bad, happy to be coming into the light.

My new month of NS food starts next week and I cannot wait! Its so cool to have that second month to order what you will be happy to eat everyday! There were some meals this past 3 weeks which made me want to vomit, now that I've chosen what I know I'll like I won't want to stray from the course!

PS - Do not experiment with authentic japanese sushi while your stomach is used to space food from NS. Result... Bombs over Baghdad!

Pete and Repeat Start a Diet, Pete falls off. Who's left?

Wow, who knew cheating would effect me so much? I have been amazingly good staying on my diet, eating what I should and happily doing these things, but once I cheated this past weekend, I feel like 3/4 of my progress has evaporated. Yes, I may still be down the same amount of weight (not positive about that) and yes, I may be fitting SLIGHTLY better in my clothes, but those damn craving are back with a vengance.

In the morning, I have my breakfast cereal, and dream of an egg sandwich... lunch, a huge salad with dry tuna, delicious, but eat the wheat roll unassumingly provided by the restaurant I ordered from. Now I have plans for dinner with friends, and know what I should eat, and am also aware of what I want to eat. Two sides of the spectrum (believe me).

But I just checked their menu online, looks like great Thai food, my friend Christina swears by it, and there is a steamed veggie platter just calling my name. Hmph!

What do I really want? The cocnut milk soup and chicken satay dish... no bueno.

I have accepted this offer of double date night, because I refuse to become a hermit just because I am watching my weight. I refuse to make this change in my life something I loathe. Because believe me, I have been there and done that, and somehow I am larger then I have ever been. So those other hermit enducing, cabbage soup, grapefruit and black coffee diets are obviously not the trick.

I know what the trick is. Its just a matter of practicing what we learn. I have struggled with my weight in a family of excersize physiologist, marathon runners my entire life. Believe me when I say, I know what to do. Its almost this iinternal rebellion I have always struggled with, sometimes consciously, sometimes subconsciously. Either way it has ended up negatively.

No I am in love with the man of my dreams, and guess what? His major was excersize physiology... Do I run for the hills? No, I just need to start running the hills.

Worth it??

Alright, alright. So I've been avoiding blogging.. why? Because this weekend was a cheating weekend, and worth it? Well maybe ;)

My fam came in from outta town, and although I ate amazingly Friday and Saturday (eating out almost the entire time) I was sticking to the small portions low calorie life style. The we went out Saturday night for some boozing and dancing... fun fun fun! Aaaannnnnd wasted.

I did not cheat even in my wasted oblivion, however on Sunday as I woke to a dry vodka smelling mouth and mascara across my face, I realized I was straved. I went straight for my NS breakfast box and had some yummy and almost too mapley oatmeal.

off to the city we went to meet family for a late lunch... as we travel into town, I'm feelin good! A bit tired but ok... then it hits me! Low blood sugar, the shakes, dehydration and hot flashes... Oh sh*t.

We get to the restaurant of choice, and I order a very responsible nicoise salad, however i did not ask that the cheese and dressing be on the side... As my nephews gooey drippy flatbread pizza arrives, the waiter apologizes for the salads taking so long. I break. JUST GIVE ME SOME BREAD!

He brings a basket, and of course it isn't gross dry french rolls... nooo it oily moist foccacia... about 6 pieces. I think I ate 5.

Ughhhhhhh as I down my salad I feel disappointed, and still exhausted. We head out to the Natural Hstory Museum, and I drag my feet the whole time.

Next is dinner. Sring Street Natural Restaurant. Which has always been a favorite of mine, organic food, but still flavorful and yummy. As I pretend to forget organic does not mean low calorie, I order my favorite dish, the free-range chicken taco salad.

I almost cleaned the plate... and now... two days later, i am owning up to my cheating ways, and although a bit dizzy (feels like day 1) I am back on track...

Weigh in will not be fun on Thursday...

Love thyself

I have been sticking to my oath. Went to the gym Tuesday and Wednesday night, and although I felt like I had elephantitis of the feet by the time I had to climb the last staircase home, I am proud to be in the place I am.

I forgot how greatly positivity can effect your day to day life. I'm not saying it will bring you wealth in 10 days if you email 73 people something you like about them in the next 5 minutes. I'm saying the small stuff. When you look in the mirror, instead of looking at what you don't like, look at what you do like. Don't make it a point to stick your gut out and curl your chin down to see how many rolls you can make... no. Look at the stuff you would never change. For me its the line of my jaw, the shape of my eyes, my natural hair, and my tits in a tight tee. (no lie I do appreciate my own huge knockers)

I have so many close friends who can't seem to get past the stuff they DON'T like. If you live in a world of regret, unhappiness or disgust, your world will be just that. I choose to live a life free of negativity. And believe me, I'm not saying I'm Mother Teresa, my boyfried can vouche, I am the spawn of Lucifer himself on a bad day, but I truly feel like I have learned to train myself. I know myself. I know what works and what doesn't. If someone doesn't take the time to get to know themselves, pros and cons, likes and dislikes, attributes and faults, then they can never manage themselves alone. And until you discover yourself, how can you think to try to discover someone else?

Yeah this blog isn't about my weight today. The subject can get a bit dull. Instead today I challenge myself to be positive, if something is irritation, if I feel I'm becoming impatient, if I want to put my stiletto into the eyesocket of my co-worker; I will stop take a breather and remember all the awesomness of my lfe. My job, my friends, my fam, my man, my happiness. I will make a difference, because I am willing to believe... http://www.emotoproject.org/english/home.html

Do not minimize your impact on this earth!

Sooo energized this morning!! I cannot believe the leaps and bounds our country as a whole has come to vote Barack Obama into office. I am motivated to do my part in making the USA all it was and will become!!

As my first step in the right direction, I am staying active, and losing my excess weight, for my fellow Americans. This way I will not be aiding in the terrible statistics of "over-weight America", and will instead lead as an example of someone who doesn't have it easy, but refuses to give up!

I may look more like Monica Lewinsky then Sara Palin right now, but I promise you this, I will not disappoint. I have had some revelations in the past few days, and I'll be damned if I don't continue to work on myself everyday, to be an individual inside and out who is always working to be the best they can be!

America, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. can rest, his dream has finally been realized...

I am just a mere smudge on the map of this extraordinary globe, and the minute I stop working towards improvement, discipline, health and honesty, is the day I have given up on my place in this world.

The incredible shrinking stomach!!

I woke up on the right side today :) I weighed myself, and I am starting to plateau just a bit. So back to the gym I go tomorrow. I went on a 2 hour walk on Sunday, which was really nice, but I feel like I need to go do some weight training, because I want to look toned when I lose all my weight.

Today is an amazing day on many levels, way beyond my personal struggle for weight loss, today determines who will be the President of the US for the next 4 years. This day has always made me motivated and amped... so I'm spreading the energy wherever I go.

I had a late breakfast of eggs with cheese and just finished a delicious salad which has made me completely stuffed. I still have a banana and the rice and beans from NS, but I'll save those for later, as I can't think about eating anything else at this point.

Its really cool to become physically aware of the changes in my body! Yesterday the satisfaction of a veggie craving, today the satisfaction of the so full I have to stop eating feeling (after a small salad)... oh and also the satisfaction of walking down Madison Avenue and getting gawked at by a lot of men! Only 8 lbs down, but feel like a sexy beast...

From vegetative to veggie-liscious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok I woke up a bit strange this morning. Weird dreams, weird mood, and not hungry but just pissy. So I head to work in a daze, get here and find out the phones are down, which is a no-bueno scenario for a recruiter.

I decide to take a few minutes to check out these NS community boards, where ppl kinda just talk about their struggles, triumphs, and cool ideas as they hobble through this life of ... pre-packaged space food... in the size of a baby food jar.

Ok... maybe I'm pissy about food. Whats new.

So I realize people have preferences on these diets, and are willing to trade food through the mail. This makes me sooo much more happy. I would MUCH rather have the split pea soup for lunch then EVER have to try to swallow the cheese tortellini again, and some people think the EXACT opposite!! Heaven?! This just might be...

So as I cheer up a bit I realize its already lunch time, and I have chicken a la king in my bag (what the hell is that?) It looks like chicken chunks in gravy.... greaaaat bc pre-packaged gravy in a baby food jar sounds soooo appetizing.

Yeah I'm pissy from food, ok... so deal!

So I go grab a salad down stairs with celery, peas, mushrooms and sprouts... as I eat it I realize why I'm pissy. This weekend I was lazy and deprived myself of fresh food. I had the required veggies from my freezer, and the space food, but nothing fresh. As I ate the salad I was in heaven biting each crunchy piece of lettuce. This is amazing, I now crave live veggies and fruits, not fatty chips and candy. Hmmm maybe this whole NS thing is on to something.

My brain feels a bit re-wired. All I want is fresh veggies... weeeiiirrddddd

I'm scared of ghosts and goblins and... pizza?

Happy Halloween!! Ok today is the first day I feel irritated I'm on a life style change (aka - Diet)... I want to have a normal breakfast, I want substance for lunch, I just want SOMETHING. But then I realize I have had all that SOMTHING for way too long and have extra SOMETHINGS on my body... (as in fat cells).

Maybe I should be a science experiment for halloween... ugh.


I'm ok, no cheating, but I just feel, well deprived.

I had a decent breakfast cereal and a not so decent cheese tortellini lunch, but just scarfed down a great salad with mushrooms, celery, sprouts, peas and cucumbers with FF Ranch...

Wheres the pizza?

I feel like I'm on cloud.... 7!!!!!!!!!!

YAY! I woke up and immediately wanted to weigh myself to see what my 7 days of nutrisystem have brought me... and I have lost 7 lbs!! 1 pound a day... can you imagine if this lasted?! I know its a pipe dream, but sometimes dreams come true ha!

I am feeling a littttttle lighter a looooooooot happier, and overall motivated!

By the way I have had the eggs twice now for breakfast, and am shocked at how adding water to powdered eggs makes it look like you just took em off the frying pan! They're yummy! no lie! Even my office mates were impressed.

Oh and by the way, I think Ash and I made up the fact that we can't have caffeine, because I got an email yesterday from a NS counselor reminding me to drink 64 oz. of water a day... and mentioning I cannot count my tea, diet soda or coffee as my water intake since it has caffeine!!! I read that through, and stopped. Re-read it and became giddy!!! You mean I CAN have my crack in the morning!!! HAHA! This day is just gettin better and better!

Although I already had a large coffe, and am feeling the effects, I'm awake, and alert but feel well... feel like I could've slipped some opium into my cup. I'm high. And not looking forward to coming down... when is that for us addicts? Around 3pm??

Note to self... have a coffee at 3pm... ugh back to the addiction.

But still down 7lbs!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow is D-Day

Well nothing too exciting to report today. I had an OK dinner last night consisting of chicken parmesan. I'm getting a litttttttle bit sick of the pre-prepared doesn't need to be refridgerated foor, but it wasn't bad. This morning I woke up to being back down to my 6 lb. weight loss. makes me happy, as my weekly goal (tomorrow) was 5 lbs.

I still have yet to get to the gym, and am getting the hang of my energy on this, so I truley have NO EXCUSES. Excpet... I have to go get a halloween costume tonight, so I'll start the no excuses tomorrow. Promise...

Ok so i get to work, on time, and happy, have yummy granola cereal, and a large DECAF and am good. I force myself to have a yogurt too, but would've been satisfied with just the granols. Crazy right?!? Only last week was I having a breakfast sandwich for breakfast and big huge sandwiches for lunch, not to mention the 1000 calorie dinner paul and I seemed to get used to every night. This nutrisystem is a great thing for me. Brings me back to reality, with a healthy perspective on food and portions.

So here I am, 1:30pm full from my healthy portion of cucmber salad from the deli (note: made with fresh dill and rice wine vinegar) and haven't even touched my lunch of pasta with beef (in a baby food jar.) Hmm wonder why I don't crave it...

Crack kills

Soo I began my morning LATE!! I was even planning to go into work early, but nooo I was LATE! So I spring outta bed rushing, but not rushing past that scale!!! Give me a good number, keep me happy I'm whispering. UP A POUND! What the TRUCK?? I was starving last night, and now I'm up a pound?!?!?

I yell "what else am I supposed to do?!" but before I finish my sentence I answer it. Work out.

I gotta get back to the gym. Just eating baby food sized portions isn't gonna cut it. I need to burn these calories too! So tomorrow is back to la gymnasia. No excuses, exhaustion, low energy, starvation, whatever! I need to get back!!!

So I head to work pissy, late and feeling bloated. From what?! The apples I eat? Oh or maybe the 2 oz. of cucumbers I had for a snack!? No?? Ughhh... pissy.

Anyways I get to work have my cereal, which never disappoints, and ask my office mate to grab me a large decaf down stairs.

As I begin to wake up, answer emails and slowly sip my decaf I feel giddy. Happy actually, and kind hyper. WAIT A MINUTE! Why am I happy?! Why am I smiling???? Ahhhh she forgot to say decaf. I am getting my much needed crack which I have deprived myself since last friday! Sadly I am ecstatic for her mistake and drink it down with no inhibitions. I am on cloud nine, I am getting my work done in record time... I am addicted...

Crack kills....

Don't FAINT!

Ook soo yesterday was a blurr. I didn't even get out of work until 8pm... thats the NYC work ethic. Soo as I'm heading home I feel a bit woozy, light headed actually. And I feel desparate. On an normal day I would stop somewhere and have a slice so I didn't keel over in hunger, but no. I am on this to win it! No cheating, its not even a question... but as I slowly drag myself to the PATH station I begin to panic. Starving shaky and exhausted I head home not allowing myself to think about it.

Once home I look for the heaviest item in my dinner box! Yumm Chicken Florentine with Fettucini Sauce. Can't wait! Yet as I remove it from the microwave I get nervous. The sauce is kinda... gray. And the smell is well... stank. I take a bite UGH. NASTY! I hold my nose and slurp it down as fast as possible. Nauseous the rest of the night thinking about what I just ate... I head to bed. Disappointed in my meals of the day.

However because I had been so good on my plan I was planning to lose some more come Tuesday Morning...

Monday is not so manic anymore...

Monday is always a drag. Whether you're on a diet that shrinks your stomach to the size of a ping pong ball, or not. Mondays just lagggg. But I did wake up on time, and although I feel like I ran a marathon, when in fact I actually speant a marathon's time laying around this weekend, I do feel good.

Its funny how a few shed pounds makes your brain tweak a little bit. I am happier, allowing myself to look at my stomach in the mirror without dread (because I know it will go down more and more) and am not bitter at all. Honestly I am so happy I did this!

Oh and by the way the money that you're worried about spending on this (in my case $300 a month) is actually a life saver. As I was buying $10-$15 lunches alone! I had $200 in my account last thursday for 9 more days, and I looked in my account today.... still $200!! I am SAVING money by doing this as well!!!

Ok ok I'm sure you're thinking, there should be SOME cons in her story... here is the con.

My boyfriend's parents took us out to dinner last night. I had a yummy mac n' cheese with beef from the trusty diet box so I wasn't starving before we went. Well 3 hours of calamari, mussels a burger, fish n' chips and salmon over lentils... while I had about 7 diet cokes and a bowl of lettuce (no lie)... I did feel deprived. I mean come on... they were all happy and drinking the best wine and beer, eating their little hearts out... dipping their bread in the mussels... YEAH!! IT SUCKED!!!!!!!

Phew got that off my chest. But I stood on the scale this morning, still down 6 lbs. WORTH IT.

There's a lot to eat. so don't cheat!

So its Sunday morning, and although my energy has been a bit down, I would have to say this program works!! The food isn't bad I swear! I've had really hearty split pea soup, Lasagna with Meat Sauce, and even mashed potatoes with meat loaf. All good! I mean its not good like the 45 grams of fat dishes they would be in a restaurant, but really tasty no lie!

But what I am loving is the deserts. The brownie was moist! The chocolate bar melts like real chocolate, and the microwaveable cake was.... ok well that one tasted kinda like the day I tried to make healthy brownies... looks like brownie, tastes like sour dough. But by my 3rd day on the program (last night) I wasn't pissed about that. It was edible, so I ate it.

If anything, this diet is reminding me that healthy food is good, you can eat all day and still lose weight, and once my energy is up, and I start exercising I'm gonna be a bombshell!!

Oh yeah, did I mention I'm down 6 pounds? Yeah day 4.... 6 pounds. Those who say they didn't lose weight, cheated!! But I've got motivation bitches!!! No cheating for me!

Lunch, metmucil and a whole lotta tummy

Ok so I had my baby food sized portion of cheese ravioli, and I'm not upset by it. yes it was tiny, but add the lettuce, cucumbers and fat-free honey dijon to my lunch completion, and I'm not dying of hunger.

Sooo I was told by my colonicologist (no clue what shes really called) that I should be taking fiber regularly. I recalled trying something like soluble fiber in my water a few years back and gagging at the thick consistency, but now that I'm in "don't starve yourself" mode I decided to rethink it. So I went to CVS, bought a sugar free orange flavored Metamucil bottle and walked back to my desk in anticipation.

I took the Metamucil about 30 minutes ago and am feeling full, relaxed and happy. Lets just hope my colon stays that way...

Day One Weighs a Ton

Ok so I am starting the first day of the rest of my life today by beginning my nutrisystem journey. I will have to begin by saying its 11:57am and I am a teeeeeensy bit dizzy, so pardon the shaky hands, typos may be a sign of hunger...

I woke up late, as I am absolutley exhausted from my evening last night. I was so amped to start this program, but felt... well bloated by all the bad stuff I've been eating lately. So like any normal person, I decided to consider how I could cleanse myself before the big day... You guys might think I'm crazy but I've always thought of just doing a one-stop-shop internal cleansing... so I did it. I went to a Colon Hydrotherapy session (otherwise known as a colonic).

For those of you with virgin ears, a colonic is basically a hose attached to your ass that pumps water in, then releases the massive amounts of junk out that your poor intestines have been harboring since you were 16 and thought the Atkins diet was healthy.

Sooo long story short, because of my bright idea to go get cleansed, I am completely empty inside, have a dizzy spell every ten minutes from the lack of elecrolites the water expelled from my body (with that sausage stuffing from thanksgiving of 2002) and am dehydrated to the point of hallucination... or is that really a turkey sandwich in my office mate's hand? Hmmm.

Aaanyway. So this morning, I dragged my ass outtta bed, grabbed a maple brown sugar oatmeal for breakfast and a cheese tortellini for lunch. Not too shabby except for the fact that the cheese tortellini is the portion of a baby food jar.

I wait until 9:30am to crack open the oatmeal, looks regular to me. But the directions say add 5 oz. of water (oh 5 oz.? Hold on while my pocket sized water scale does the measuring) and put it in the microwave on medium for 5 minutes. Ok... two things here... first of all who has a microwave that has a medium setting?? Am I crazy or do all the newly DIGITAL microwaves have 1 power setting? I can slightly recall in my childhood a microwave with a dial on it, maybe that had medium or high, but seriously just tell me how much time. SO I put my oatmeal in with what I guess was 5 oz. of water and set it for 5 minutes, watching intently to make sure thats not too much time. 1 minute... looks good.... 1:30 looks fine 1:54 I hear a big POP. The oatmeal is now all over my company's microwave. (not to mention the people behind me who just wanted to warm their damn coffe). Ughhh so whats left of my oatmeal? about 2 tbs of oats and 5 oz. of scolding hot maple water... greaaaaatttt.

Now you can understand why I am dizzy. 12:17pm... I can't wait anylonger, I'll report back on the tortellini baby food.