Ok so I am starting the first day of the rest of my life today by beginning my nutrisystem journey. I will have to begin by saying its 11:57am and I am a teeeeeensy bit dizzy, so pardon the shaky hands, typos may be a sign of hunger...
I woke up late, as I am absolutley exhausted from my evening last night. I was so amped to start this program, but felt... well bloated by all the bad stuff I've been eating lately. So like any normal person, I decided to consider how I could cleanse myself before the big day... You guys might think I'm crazy but I've always thought of just doing a one-stop-shop internal cleansing... so I did it. I went to a Colon Hydrotherapy session (otherwise known as a colonic).
For those of you with virgin ears, a colonic is basically a hose attached to your ass that pumps water in, then releases the massive amounts of junk out that your poor intestines have been harboring since you were 16 and thought the Atkins diet was healthy.
Sooo long story short, because of my bright idea to go get cleansed, I am completely empty inside, have a dizzy spell every ten minutes from the lack of elecrolites the water expelled from my body (with that sausage stuffing from thanksgiving of 2002) and am dehydrated to the point of hallucination... or is that really a turkey sandwich in my office mate's hand? Hmmm.
Aaanyway. So this morning, I dragged my ass outtta bed, grabbed a maple brown sugar oatmeal for breakfast and a cheese tortellini for lunch. Not too shabby except for the fact that the cheese tortellini is the portion of a baby food jar.
I wait until 9:30am to crack open the oatmeal, looks regular to me. But the directions say add 5 oz. of water (oh 5 oz.? Hold on while my pocket sized water scale does the measuring) and put it in the microwave on medium for 5 minutes. Ok... two things here... first of all who has a microwave that has a medium setting?? Am I crazy or do all the newly DIGITAL microwaves have 1 power setting? I can slightly recall in my childhood a microwave with a dial on it, maybe that had medium or high, but seriously just tell me how much time. SO I put my oatmeal in with what I guess was 5 oz. of water and set it for 5 minutes, watching intently to make sure thats not too much time. 1 minute... looks good.... 1:30 looks fine 1:54 I hear a big POP. The oatmeal is now all over my company's microwave. (not to mention the people behind me who just wanted to warm their damn coffe). Ughhh so whats left of my oatmeal? about 2 tbs of oats and 5 oz. of scolding hot maple water... greaaaaatttt.
Now you can understand why I am dizzy. 12:17pm... I can't wait anylonger, I'll report back on the tortellini baby food.
I woke up late, as I am absolutley exhausted from my evening last night. I was so amped to start this program, but felt... well bloated by all the bad stuff I've been eating lately. So like any normal person, I decided to consider how I could cleanse myself before the big day... You guys might think I'm crazy but I've always thought of just doing a one-stop-shop internal cleansing... so I did it. I went to a Colon Hydrotherapy session (otherwise known as a colonic).
For those of you with virgin ears, a colonic is basically a hose attached to your ass that pumps water in, then releases the massive amounts of junk out that your poor intestines have been harboring since you were 16 and thought the Atkins diet was healthy.
Sooo long story short, because of my bright idea to go get cleansed, I am completely empty inside, have a dizzy spell every ten minutes from the lack of elecrolites the water expelled from my body (with that sausage stuffing from thanksgiving of 2002) and am dehydrated to the point of hallucination... or is that really a turkey sandwich in my office mate's hand? Hmmm.
Aaanyway. So this morning, I dragged my ass outtta bed, grabbed a maple brown sugar oatmeal for breakfast and a cheese tortellini for lunch. Not too shabby except for the fact that the cheese tortellini is the portion of a baby food jar.
I wait until 9:30am to crack open the oatmeal, looks regular to me. But the directions say add 5 oz. of water (oh 5 oz.? Hold on while my pocket sized water scale does the measuring) and put it in the microwave on medium for 5 minutes. Ok... two things here... first of all who has a microwave that has a medium setting?? Am I crazy or do all the newly DIGITAL microwaves have 1 power setting? I can slightly recall in my childhood a microwave with a dial on it, maybe that had medium or high, but seriously just tell me how much time. SO I put my oatmeal in with what I guess was 5 oz. of water and set it for 5 minutes, watching intently to make sure thats not too much time. 1 minute... looks good.... 1:30 looks fine 1:54 I hear a big POP. The oatmeal is now all over my company's microwave. (not to mention the people behind me who just wanted to warm their damn coffe). Ughhh so whats left of my oatmeal? about 2 tbs of oats and 5 oz. of scolding hot maple water... greaaaaatttt.
Now you can understand why I am dizzy. 12:17pm... I can't wait anylonger, I'll report back on the tortellini baby food.
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